Today my heart is heavy and I am so sad for the loss of Lani (Henrik's twin) and Zachariah (the baby I miscarried before Liam was born)...I know it has been awhile and my heart is mostly healed. Though I think of them often, I rarely have a sad time where I cry for them, but today it just hit me out of the blue. I guess that is how grief is...sometimes it comes out of nowhere and knocks you to your knees. I have heard from some other women with similar experiences that this can go on for years, even forever if something hits your heart just right. The song I had in my head today while I was sad was "Better Is One Day"...and the line that kept replaying was, "Better is one day in Your courts [meaning heaven] than thousands elsewhere." Though I know this is true...that any day in heaven is better than thousands here...selfishly I wish for my babies to have had the chance to have thousands here...I miss them.
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2 comments:
(((hugs))) my friend!
Praying for you...
Agh. I'm catching up on my blogs and wish I'd read this a couple weeks ago. I could've written this myself... it's a strange thing what triggers sadness. Like you, it's usually music for me, and usually when I least expect it. And that's okay!
It's not selfish to wish your babies were here. I wish they were too... I wish you could cuddle them and know them. Someday.
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