For my first blog on "Teeny Time" I thought that I should start with something funny and witty, but this is what is really on my heart, so that is what you'll get...I promise the next one will be a little lighter.
I was thinking about all of the teeny things in my life and how important they are to me and what each of them mean to me. There is one tiny person in my life who means more to me than I can adequately express; in many ways it is so hard for others to understand. I want to introduce him now because even though I think of him daily, he might not be in my day to day blogs or all my pictures, but I want you to know who he is and how much he means to me.
The teeny person I am referring to is my baby boy, Zachariah. He died during pregnancy, when I was 12 weeks along. His heart just stopped beating; we had heard it before at earlier appointments, but at this one the reassuring woosh sound it makes was replaced by nervous silence. They were not able to find anything wrong with me or him (we had genetic testing)...we don't know what happened. What I do know is that my heart was filled with a deep sadness and a longing for the day I would get to hold him in heaven. There are days that I long for him, that I long to hold him because I never got that chance. I know one day I will get that opportunity and that it will last for eternity, but for now I just miss him.
I was thinking about all of the teeny things in my life and how important they are to me and what each of them mean to me. There is one tiny person in my life who means more to me than I can adequately express; in many ways it is so hard for others to understand. I want to introduce him now because even though I think of him daily, he might not be in my day to day blogs or all my pictures, but I want you to know who he is and how much he means to me.
The teeny person I am referring to is my baby boy, Zachariah. He died during pregnancy, when I was 12 weeks along. His heart just stopped beating; we had heard it before at earlier appointments, but at this one the reassuring woosh sound it makes was replaced by nervous silence. They were not able to find anything wrong with me or him (we had genetic testing)...we don't know what happened. What I do know is that my heart was filled with a deep sadness and a longing for the day I would get to hold him in heaven. There are days that I long for him, that I long to hold him because I never got that chance. I know one day I will get that opportunity and that it will last for eternity, but for now I just miss him.
So for now on those sad days, I look at the little ultrasound pictures I have of him and pray that God is taking care of him in heaven. In the picture below, which is my favorite...he is sucking on his fist. He was real and his own person. You can see the outline of his face, with eyes, a nose, and a mouth. He was about three inches long and weighed about an ounce. I know some people cannot understand the pain of losing someone so small, but it runs very deep and is very real.
Zachariah's name means "remembered by the Lord" or "the Lord remembers"...I know some people will forget him and be able to move on, but I know that the Lord will always remember him and keep him close, as will I.
It's hard to see, but his hand is up to his mouth...
2 comments:
A beautiful little life remembered...
I love your blog & can't wait to read more!
playing with his cousin in heaven... I can only imagine!!!
love ya
Amy
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