The funny thing about hearts...

A dear friend and family member has a necklace that says, "The heart remembers"...it was given to her after she lost a baby this same day.  That's the funny thing about hearts, they always remember.  Though memories fade and time eventually heals, our hearts always seem to remember.  Even six years later, my heart takes me back to the sadness of this day.

Today is the six year anniversary of the loss of Henrik's twin Lani. Lani's full name is
Hi'ilani, it is a multi-gender name, which means "held in the arms of heaven". I
wrote a poem dedicated to Lani to remember...in reading this do not mistake my
grief of missing Lani for a lack of love for Henrik. I love him deeply and
wouldn't change my life with him. Henrik is my sweet boy who I love so very
much.

Lani's Letter

Sweet baby
who is held in the arms
of Heaven...
I ache to hold you in mine,
yet they aren't empty,
but they should be fuller.
You were one of two,
the other half,
without you, it isn't whole.

For a long time,

I could not think of one

without the other...

You and your brother

were a miracle

a 1 in 40,000 chance.

Doctors said you were

impossible,

but for weeks I saw

your hearts together beating strong.

When yours stopped,

my heart broke,

I was filled with sorrow for you and

fear for your brother.

So often I think of you,

dream of you,

wonder about you,

whenever I see twins,

my heart cries out for you.

I know you are okay,

you are happy,

resting in the arms of our Savior.

But still I wonder...

How can you have one without the other?

How can you have such joy for one, yet sorrow for the other?

How can I say hello to one,

while saying goodbye to the other?

One day we will tell your brother

of the friend he lost.

We are so blessed to have him.

Henrik is such a joy.

I wonder if he remembers you

because he always longs to be close

to someone.

I wonder if he will feel a part of
himself is missing.

I wonder if he will long for deep
friendships

like the one you might have had.

I wonder if he will think of you often,

as I do,

Or maybe he will dream of you

like I do.

He is the only one who has truly seen you

and felt you.

Life begins in the womb

and his life began with you.

His first moments were by your side.

Surely in some way he knows the pain

of great loss.

But hopefully he also knows

the healing hands of God.

I have hope for you because I know

one day I will hold you.

By grace,

I will see your face.

Until then,

I will hold you here in my heart,

but knowing, you Lani,

are already held in the arms of one

far greater than I,

You are held

In the arms of heaven.

Who's ready to visit!?!

Our guest room is ready for company!  I will post pics of the rest of the house soon!

Hope you will come visit!

 

I still remember...

Even though it was 7 years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday.  Some moments are so clear, you remember every detail about them and things you wish you could forget remain forever etched in your mind.  I do not wish to forget Zachariah or his memory and I know I never will, just sometimes I wish the painful details were not so clear.  Today, Zachariah, I remember you and I know the Lord remembers too...just as your name means: "Remembered by the Lord/the Lord remembers".

 

Zachariah’s Song

 

I can’t understand.

God can take a dying man and raise him up to life again.

When all night long I’ve pleaded and cried,
See he’s not just anyone; he’s my son;
But, the Lord gives and takes away, and my heart will choose to say,
Blessed be Your name.

So, this is how it feels when the sacred is torn from you life?
Without you I’m not okay.
I’m broken inside…
Still and filled with pain.
Lord, this ache is just too much for me to take.
These wounds won’t seem to heal.

You see…it’s in the wee small hours of the morning…
That’s the time you miss him most of all.
Every single day, every time I pray I am missing you.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,
So, tonight I’ll drift in a dream with you
Because I belong with you.
I have tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone,
But your memory’s so clear.

Where do I go from here?
At the end of your rope when you can find any hope?

I’ll hold tight to what I know…
Time is in His hands, beginning and the end.
Everything He holds in His hand.
You’re here and I’m never alone.
Though my heart holds you just one beat away,
I’ll cry to Jesus and live.
I hear love whisper through the darkest of times, ‘You’ll get through this…’

Lord, where you lead me I will follow.
How beautiful is your unfailing love.
You are my rock.

So, sweet baby, it’s time to say goodbye.
I can’t recreate what just might have been.
Though I belong with you and a breath’s not far to where you are.
I will wait.
I will remember you.
You will remain my forever love, watching me from up above,
Where love will live on and never leave.
So is forever enough?
Cause that’s how long you will be loved. 





Cat town...

 While my favorite part of Cyprus is the food and the beauty...my kid's have a very different favorite...but first a quick food pic since it's my blog and not theirs:)

 After the beach one night we ate at this amazing restaurant across the street.  The head chef was on Greece's version of "Top Chef"...he did not disappoint.  The food was amazing.  The kids even liked it.  Their favorite part of the restaurant was the play area right next to our table.  Brilliant idea and very common here, we were able to eat and talk while the kids enjoyed themselves without complaint!

 Some of the things at the grocery store are very different, but a comforting favorite has been stocked in our freezer.

 Now onto the kid's favorite thing.  The cats!  There are lots of stray cats here and many places even have a "pet" cat that frequents their location.  Along the walking path where we sometimes walk they have these mini cat towns.  There are tiny town homes for the cats and a plethora of cats and kittens.

They are all up and down the path.  I have seen women that come to give them water in the bowls and feed them.  My kids love the cats and name every single one they find.  In fact they fight over whose turn it is to name the cat and what the name should be.

This is my favorite part of the walking path...

It's very beautiful here. 

And here is one of my favorite views of all...a sunset near the beach!

Cyprus pictures...a church built into a cave on the side of a cliff.

This church was built into the side of a cliff.  The story passed around from locals is that a priest was being chased on his horse by Muslims.   He came to a cliff and promised God that if he survived the jump that he would come back and build a church in that place.  He and his horse lived and he built a church in the wall of the cliff.

 The inside of this church was no where near as elaborate or as beautiful as the inside of the "no-photographing" monastery, but it was still remarkable.

 People would kiss the center of this picture and then walk under it.

 People lit candles for loved ones.

 There was a street fair right outside of the church.  It had the most delicious honey balls...they are fried dough balls dipped in honey.



Cyprus!!! Pictures from our trip to the mountains this past weekend...

We are so happy to all be together in our new destination.  The last year of having my husband overseas was a rough one.  We are all enjoying Cyprus!  If you are not on Facebook, you have not seen pictures of our beach adventures, so I will try to post some here soon. 

We went with friends to the mountains on the south side to see a Monastery.  We had mezze lunch in a little village on the way.  Mezze is where they bring you a little bit of everything.  Is it usually fairly cheap, delicious, and a lot of food.  A sample mezze meal would be: salad, humus and/or tahini, tzatziki or yogurt dip, pita or some type of bread, olives, grilled halloumi (my favorite!! which I never liked in the states), a bunch of different meat and potato samplers, rice and/or couscous, some type of grilled or cooked vegetables...and usually some other delicious surprise...fried cheese balls or a cheesy pasta bake.  2 Mezzes will feed my entire family, with enough leftover for another two meals.  It usually costs about 10-15 euros for one mezze, which is 13.80-20.70 in dollars.

 

Our wine came in a gourd instead of a bottle.

 

 Our kids are at the very top of this little climb!

 

This is the above village from the other side of the mountain.  We drove all through the mountains.  They were beautiful!

Below is the monastery that we visited from the opposite side of the mountain.

 

No pictures are allowed inside the monastery, but it was beautiful.  It had elaborately painted ceilings and beautiful gold candelabras hanging everywhere.  There was mosaic tile work and beautiful art pieces everywhere.  If your shorts were above the knee, you had to wear a robe so that you were "appropriately" dressed. 

 As we left the monastery to go down the other side of the mountain.

 

 

We also went to another church this same day, I will post a follow-up about that church tomorrow.  It has a really cool story and pictures were allowed inside.  The church was on the side of a cliff...